You know how you can take a wet paper towel, wring it out and reuse it. That is how I feel. Like a paper towel that has been wrung out and reused a few to many times. I am bone tired, on the verge of bursting into tears, and angry. Very angry.
My sister Tera has used me up. I just get so angry when I see her, knowing that no matter what I do now, she has already bought her plane tickets to go back to Waco. I am consistently screwing up my life and my kids schedule in order to help her out (doctors visits, grocery store trips, taking the kids when she goes to therapy, ect.). It is all pointless. I have wasted so much of my family's money (mine and marios that is) and energy trying to help her out.
On top of that my dad has been in the hospital since Friday. He went to the emergency room with dangerously high heart rate (exceeding 140 beats per minute, normal is around 70) and blood pressure that was all over the map. My dad has a long history of heart disease starting in his teens and leading up to a quadruple bypass at 43 to where he is now, completely inoperable and trying to manage it with medication. He takes literally 20 different meds, all with side effects. Which is what landed him in the hospital for the 9th time in three years.
Today, while visiting him prior to his procedure a person a couple of rooms down from him coded. We heard them call the Code Blue and dragging the crash cart down the hall. We heard them working on the patient for nearly a half hour but it was unsuccessful. We got to see the faces of his or hers parents as they were lead into the room afterwards.
Finally, the procedure he was supposed to have yesterday, which got pushed back to today, got pushed back again to tomorrow. In a way it is a good thing, since they would only delay it if he is healthy enough for them to push it back. It is damned frustrating when it comes to my work schedule. I prefer to be there with my mom when they wheel him in, during the wait, and immediately after the angioplasty. It is heart rending to see my dad all laid out and pale on the operating table, when they let us in. . . I was going to take time off for comic con but can't now due to taking time off to be with my dad, well worth it but disappointing all the same.
I've had a shitty day, all. I know my LJ posts tend to be downers, I think I will try to post some of the happy stuff when it happens . . .